Raising my girls

The hardest experience of my life... the most rewarding experience of my entire life. I laugh when people ask me "so, are you going to do something once the girls are in school?". I AM doing something right now, and something quite incredible. I get to watch my three sweet girls grow up before my eyes and learn something new every day. I get to watch their bond grow deeper with each passing day, not only with Dan and I, but with each other. I could never be more fulfilled in life than what I am now.

The days seem to pass so quickly. Our little Breezer is already a month old for crying out loud! We've been staying quite busy. The pool opened this past weekend, and Maddie and Faith were in absolute heaven up at the pool swimming. And, yesterday we took them out to the duck pond to play in the sand which they love. I've been trying to fit in more time for the 'fun' stuff here at home that they're accustomed to doing-- projects, cooking, workbooks, etc etc. Maddie and Faith had so much fun decorating my fruit pizza for my birthday, and Maddie's been making our caribbean dip and back to baking more often. My big girls told me tonight before bed that today was "the best day ever" (they do say this about every single day though!) despite it being a rainy day. We did Play Doh and markers and paints nearly all day. That nagging "mother guilt" is something that I'm sure hangs around for awhile, but I feel as though I'm starting to be able to shake it more. 

Our sweet Abrie couldn't be any sweeter. I love having my time with just her- as rare as that may be. It's so neat though when both Madison and Faith are begging to have their Beeba/Breezer awake so that they can play with her. You can see the bond between the three of them grow deeper every day, and I don't think there is a better feeling in the world.

Never a dull moment

My two big girls were cracking me up this morning.

I suppose I have given them too much information when they ask me questions about everything post-partum related. Well, not TOO much information, but I haven't answered their questions vaguely either. 

I was getting out of the shower this morning, and notice that my nursing pads and Kotex pad were missing. I hear giggles coming out of the bottom bunk, and, low and behold, there are Maddie and Faith with some items they had confiscated. They had unwrapped the Kotex pad and said "we need this for the blood" and yet were trying to measure things with it. They were putting it on the bunk bed with the sticky side of it, and Maddie would say "yep, it's 8 inches." Then, Beebster had also snuck my nursing shield from the living room and had her shirt pulled up with it affixed to her "mah boob, Momma!" Not to mention, they both were crinkling up a nursing pad each and trying to put them in their shirts. 

I can only imagine how much these two will serve to get some awesome laughs out of their baby sister when she's at the laughing age!

A glimpse into the future

I just finished feeding my Breezer and putting her down until the last feeding of the night (roughly 10:30-11pm or so), and went to check on my two big girls. I came out of their room laughing hysterically and called Dan in to check them out as well. Maddie and Faith are 'spooning!' HA. It's hysterical. Usually Faith sleeps on the right side of the bed on her little rinky-dink Tinker Bell pillow, and Maddie always has the left side of the bed. Faith is squeezed in between Maddie's left arm (tucked underneath it) and the wall. It's the cutest thing. All I can imagine when seeing this is three little women in a few short years all tucked against each other like little sardines. And, all three as happy as could be.

*****

I am dreading the ugly weather that is supposed to start tomorrow. The past two nights little Abrie has been a pistol about going back to bed after feeding her, and then I've got two other little girls wandering around in the darkness looking for 'Momma and Beeba (or, Bay Breezer as Maddie calls Abrie).' It has been nothing short of exhausting, especially with Dan on his 10-day work stint. The C. and the B. have transitioned wonderfully to this new life, and their only effect through this all has been sleeping habits. They are never early risers, but have both been awake at the crack of dawn or earlier (Maddie at 4:45am some mornings) because they hear Abrie and want to see her or myself. Not to mention, Maddie comes looking for me if she wakes up in the middle of the night and doesn't find me. Faith even did this last night as well at about 2am. 

The nice weather has been rejuvenating for myself and my lovely ladies. They need to get out just as much as I do. They had a blast today out at the museum grounds, and it's so nice to have Abrie out and about with us as well. It's supposed to be ugly tomorrow, and I'm worried about what I'll do to entertain my big girls. Lucky for me, they think their baby sister is the best entertainment ever. I can't even get over how in love they are with her. It's a big help to me because I've got two other entertaining faces for miss Abrie to watch. Maddie tells me constantly that her favorite part of the day is when "Bay Breezer is wide awake, and I can play with her." And, Faith is constantly nearby wanting to burp her, squeeze her, or pat her on the head. It's neat to see the way Maddie and Faith are with each other now, because I just envision the three of them like this one day in the not-so-distant future. 

In the meantime, my mantra will be "sleep is for the weak." I keep telling myself that this is my BMT and that I'll get through it all in one piece. 

BMT for me

I'm giving myself until June 15th to be up to par with my expectations of myself as a Momma of three little women.

I'm considering this my BMT-- basic military training, aka boot camp. 

Tomorrow I will be starting week 2. Our first week home was 'zero' week, and today has completed week 1. Dan laughs at me when I say all of this, and I laugh at myself as well. But, I like to make goals for myself in the meantime. Abrie makes it quite easy to transition to the life of a mother of three, but I am still learning as I go. 

I know I am giving all three of my little girls 100% of me, but I want to get to where I FEEL as though I am accomplishing this. 

Surviving, and learning to thrive

I always felt during these first few weeks with both Maddie and Faith as newborns that I was in survival mode. Never necessarily thriving, but just trying my best to survive. I hate the hormones that linger after giving birth; they were out of control after having had Maddie those first few weeks. Breastfeeding was a nightmare, and that made it worse. I felt so guilty when Faith was born then and Maddie was so little with no other sibling to be her companion. I hate the feeling that I am not in control of my emotions, as that is definitely not me. I was very much prepared for that feeling following Abrie's birth.

This transition from two little girls to three little girls is, I think, the easiest thus far. And, by easiest, I mean 'easiest' on my emotions. Definitely not the 'easiest' when it comes to the physical demands of meeting three little girls' needs and wishes. I felt like a wreck when Dan went back to work last week and I have had the night shifts all to myself. Dan is my rock. He is awesome. I had a day last week that I felt as though the world was crumbling all around me. But, other than that, I feel like I am surviving and truly learning quickly to thrive on this new "schedule." It is a true blessing and such a help that Maddie and Faith have transitioned without a hitch. They are in love with their baby 'Beeba' and it has not faltered at all, even with Abrie being nearly 2 weeks old. Faith cracks me up at how badly she wants to hold her all the time, and Maddie is like a second mother to her baby sissy. I am couch-bound with nursing of course, but Faith and Maddie have done so well with playing together while I am with Abrie, and it's as though nothing has changed in their lives. This has helped me tremendously, and lifted the burden of guilt that worried me so much about affecting their lives!

Abrielle continues to be such an awesome baby girl. I don't remember the C. or the B. ever sleeping so much when they were newborns, but it makes it that much easier for us to keep with our daily routines. Before all of this nasty weather with rain, we had them outside every day and I even was able to get all three little ladies out for a walk on one occasion. Maddie's already asking how long it will be before Abrie can play with them at the playground, etc, and I tell her it will all come eventually. I want them to take their time growing up!