I was beginning to think that this day would be quite the 'no-good-very-bad' type of day.
My feet and ankles are so swollen today that it's actually painful. They've been this way since yesterday, and especially last night. It hurts to eat even in little bits now because I feel so bloated. It's quite painful to move because of the nerve pain, back pain, and general all-over pain. I HATE that it takes me years to do what I want to do with my little girls. I am not the type to ask Dan to help me with stuff, and he's been on my case all the time now about that. I am very stubborn though about wanting to do it myself.
I felt 10,000x worse today when Maddie started crying out of the blue. It was the weirdest thing. She came out to the living room after her 'rest' time and we did a Tinker Bell puzzle (they've been doing a lot of puzzles lately that Nene gave them for Easter, and then gluing them with puzzle glue), worked on her numbers 1-100, and then played 'Go Fish' with Dan. I try my hardest not to complain about my aches and pains in front of the C. and the B. because I don't want them thinking the baby is doing this to my body or anything like that, but clearly I didn't do a good job this afternoon. I was getting so frustrated that it took me over 2 minutes to open the darn puzzle box due to my fingers going numb. I was even more frustrated that I could barely sit on the floor next to Cran while we did the puzzle.
She kept saying how much fun she had had playing 'Go Fish' with us, and she's so funny about her card games. She always says it's the best time of her life playing card games. Then again, she says "this is the best time (or, day) of my life" on a daily basis about everything that she does. Anyway, she stood behind the loveseat then while I was cleaning up and I noticed she was very quiet. I asked her if she was OK, and she told me "I don't think I want this baby sister to come" and then started crying and crying so quietly. Dan went first and hugged her and she just started saying "I have my Beebster. We're best friends. I don't want you to have any more babies. I'm worried, Daddy." My poor little Cran. I've never felt more guilty than I did this afternoon. It was as though my most overwhelming fears and feelings were expressed through my Maddie.
I think she just hit a point today where she just needed reassurance. She is obviously very in tune to everything that is going on, and knows about the changes that will come with 2 little sisters. She is an extremely, extremely intuitive little girl and I love her for that. She kept telling us over and over again that she has her Beebster and that she loves her Beebster. And, we reassured her that her new baby sister will only make it that much more fun between the three of them. She did calm down shortly after, and I think she felt much better. I am so hopeful that the bond that she and Faith share will help the both of them through this transition in the next few weeks.
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Dan had wanted to take the C. and the B. over to St. Pete's this afternoon to climb on rocks and hike the trails and all, but they were both insistent that they wanted to wear dresses. They are so funny! The ice cream shop at St. Pete's isn't opened until May anyway, so we decided to do that maybe next month. I asked them if they wanted to go down to the museum to walk the paths there and pick flowers, and they both screamed 'Yes/Ess!' It was a really nice afternoon, thankfully. It was ironic too because the museum is directly across from the hospital so they were both very interested to see where they would go to visit me and baby sissy. They were both extremely affectionate with both of us this afternoon, and of course Maddie kept saying "this is the BEST day of our lives!" She also then fell on the pavement, and I got two pictures when Faith ran over to her to give her a hug saying, "awwww, Dee."
Two little girls for now, and three before we know it. I know that our lives will be changed in only great ways.
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