First day of kindergarten has come and gone. First week actually.
Maddie absolutely loves school, just as I figured she would. She calls the whole class her friend, and picks wildflowers for her teacher every morning on our walk to school. She talks non-stop about everything they did that day on the walk home from school, and really couldn't be any happier.
I could not be more proud of my big girl.
And yet, I am left feeling the sting of this first baby step that is known as the "letting go" process. It hurts down to my core. I couldn't even keep my composure on Maddie's 1st day, and just lost it as we started to walk her in and she lined up with her teacher and classmates. Maddie is just like me in that she tries her hardest to stay composed, and puts her head down if she feels as though she might cry. She held tightly to Dan's hand as we all walked in to say 'goodbye' to her, and she started to get tears in her eyes. But, her eyes stayed focused towards the ground. My sweet girl. I knew she was trying so hard to not lose it for my sake, and I love her so much for that.
Walking away felt like closing the first chapter of our Cran's life. It was definitely one of the toughest things I've had to do. I felt the implications of this day since we first decided to go ahead and try the public school route, and yet I had no real warnings about the emptiness that I would feel the second I turned around and had to walk home with 2 sweet girls, instead of 3. It is extremely bittersweet; it is exciting to know that she is starting all new things in her life and that we can share these memories with her, and yet I feel as though I am not at all ready to embark on this new chapter of her life as a school student. This is a full day kindergarten, so it seems even harder. Faith and Abrie are without their mentor, idol.. their best friend.
I am grateful that Dan had this week off (though unscheduled as it may have been due to other circumstances-- the monkey wrench that is our life!), and I know he is too. He is always my rock, and he was so incredibly supportive this week. I don't think he truly was prepared for how difficult it would be to drop off Maddie at school, and walk away with the notion that now our beloved daughter is in someone else's hands. He packed her lunch every day this week, and tucked pictures of us into a plastic bag so that Maddie would see us when she opened her lunch box. She had a special request to have a picture of Faith on top. Dan was a very shy little boy when he was Maddie's age, so I think when he noticed that she was starting to get teary-eyed, he got very upset.
Faith and Abrie play very, very well together and I can tell they are going to be a "team" with Maddie being gone throughout the day. We keep Faith distracted throughout the day because otherwise, she'll start saying "I miss Maddie.. when is Maddie coming home?" It is the strangest feeling to be at home with two now instead of three; it is too quiet.
I know we will get used to this. I will get used to this somehow. It's thrown me for a loop within these past 6 months-- first with the job, and now with my girl being away from me. It's hard for me to get used to new things, especially those that I didn't quite anticipate, but I know I will. And, I am so, so proud of our Maddie. I already know that she is going to shine. Her teachers and classmates are so lucky to have our Maddie with them.
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