Raising my girls

The hardest experience of my life... the most rewarding experience of my entire life. I laugh when people ask me "so, are you going to do something once the girls are in school?". I AM doing something right now, and something quite incredible. I get to watch my three sweet girls grow up before my eyes and learn something new every day. I get to watch their bond grow deeper with each passing day, not only with Dan and I, but with each other. I could never be more fulfilled in life than what I am now.

The days seem to pass so quickly. Our little Breezer is already a month old for crying out loud! We've been staying quite busy. The pool opened this past weekend, and Maddie and Faith were in absolute heaven up at the pool swimming. And, yesterday we took them out to the duck pond to play in the sand which they love. I've been trying to fit in more time for the 'fun' stuff here at home that they're accustomed to doing-- projects, cooking, workbooks, etc etc. Maddie and Faith had so much fun decorating my fruit pizza for my birthday, and Maddie's been making our caribbean dip and back to baking more often. My big girls told me tonight before bed that today was "the best day ever" (they do say this about every single day though!) despite it being a rainy day. We did Play Doh and markers and paints nearly all day. That nagging "mother guilt" is something that I'm sure hangs around for awhile, but I feel as though I'm starting to be able to shake it more. 

Our sweet Abrie couldn't be any sweeter. I love having my time with just her- as rare as that may be. It's so neat though when both Madison and Faith are begging to have their Beeba/Breezer awake so that they can play with her. You can see the bond between the three of them grow deeper every day, and I don't think there is a better feeling in the world.

Never a dull moment

My two big girls were cracking me up this morning.

I suppose I have given them too much information when they ask me questions about everything post-partum related. Well, not TOO much information, but I haven't answered their questions vaguely either. 

I was getting out of the shower this morning, and notice that my nursing pads and Kotex pad were missing. I hear giggles coming out of the bottom bunk, and, low and behold, there are Maddie and Faith with some items they had confiscated. They had unwrapped the Kotex pad and said "we need this for the blood" and yet were trying to measure things with it. They were putting it on the bunk bed with the sticky side of it, and Maddie would say "yep, it's 8 inches." Then, Beebster had also snuck my nursing shield from the living room and had her shirt pulled up with it affixed to her "mah boob, Momma!" Not to mention, they both were crinkling up a nursing pad each and trying to put them in their shirts. 

I can only imagine how much these two will serve to get some awesome laughs out of their baby sister when she's at the laughing age!

A glimpse into the future

I just finished feeding my Breezer and putting her down until the last feeding of the night (roughly 10:30-11pm or so), and went to check on my two big girls. I came out of their room laughing hysterically and called Dan in to check them out as well. Maddie and Faith are 'spooning!' HA. It's hysterical. Usually Faith sleeps on the right side of the bed on her little rinky-dink Tinker Bell pillow, and Maddie always has the left side of the bed. Faith is squeezed in between Maddie's left arm (tucked underneath it) and the wall. It's the cutest thing. All I can imagine when seeing this is three little women in a few short years all tucked against each other like little sardines. And, all three as happy as could be.

*****

I am dreading the ugly weather that is supposed to start tomorrow. The past two nights little Abrie has been a pistol about going back to bed after feeding her, and then I've got two other little girls wandering around in the darkness looking for 'Momma and Beeba (or, Bay Breezer as Maddie calls Abrie).' It has been nothing short of exhausting, especially with Dan on his 10-day work stint. The C. and the B. have transitioned wonderfully to this new life, and their only effect through this all has been sleeping habits. They are never early risers, but have both been awake at the crack of dawn or earlier (Maddie at 4:45am some mornings) because they hear Abrie and want to see her or myself. Not to mention, Maddie comes looking for me if she wakes up in the middle of the night and doesn't find me. Faith even did this last night as well at about 2am. 

The nice weather has been rejuvenating for myself and my lovely ladies. They need to get out just as much as I do. They had a blast today out at the museum grounds, and it's so nice to have Abrie out and about with us as well. It's supposed to be ugly tomorrow, and I'm worried about what I'll do to entertain my big girls. Lucky for me, they think their baby sister is the best entertainment ever. I can't even get over how in love they are with her. It's a big help to me because I've got two other entertaining faces for miss Abrie to watch. Maddie tells me constantly that her favorite part of the day is when "Bay Breezer is wide awake, and I can play with her." And, Faith is constantly nearby wanting to burp her, squeeze her, or pat her on the head. It's neat to see the way Maddie and Faith are with each other now, because I just envision the three of them like this one day in the not-so-distant future. 

In the meantime, my mantra will be "sleep is for the weak." I keep telling myself that this is my BMT and that I'll get through it all in one piece. 

BMT for me

I'm giving myself until June 15th to be up to par with my expectations of myself as a Momma of three little women.

I'm considering this my BMT-- basic military training, aka boot camp. 

Tomorrow I will be starting week 2. Our first week home was 'zero' week, and today has completed week 1. Dan laughs at me when I say all of this, and I laugh at myself as well. But, I like to make goals for myself in the meantime. Abrie makes it quite easy to transition to the life of a mother of three, but I am still learning as I go. 

I know I am giving all three of my little girls 100% of me, but I want to get to where I FEEL as though I am accomplishing this. 

Surviving, and learning to thrive

I always felt during these first few weeks with both Maddie and Faith as newborns that I was in survival mode. Never necessarily thriving, but just trying my best to survive. I hate the hormones that linger after giving birth; they were out of control after having had Maddie those first few weeks. Breastfeeding was a nightmare, and that made it worse. I felt so guilty when Faith was born then and Maddie was so little with no other sibling to be her companion. I hate the feeling that I am not in control of my emotions, as that is definitely not me. I was very much prepared for that feeling following Abrie's birth.

This transition from two little girls to three little girls is, I think, the easiest thus far. And, by easiest, I mean 'easiest' on my emotions. Definitely not the 'easiest' when it comes to the physical demands of meeting three little girls' needs and wishes. I felt like a wreck when Dan went back to work last week and I have had the night shifts all to myself. Dan is my rock. He is awesome. I had a day last week that I felt as though the world was crumbling all around me. But, other than that, I feel like I am surviving and truly learning quickly to thrive on this new "schedule." It is a true blessing and such a help that Maddie and Faith have transitioned without a hitch. They are in love with their baby 'Beeba' and it has not faltered at all, even with Abrie being nearly 2 weeks old. Faith cracks me up at how badly she wants to hold her all the time, and Maddie is like a second mother to her baby sissy. I am couch-bound with nursing of course, but Faith and Maddie have done so well with playing together while I am with Abrie, and it's as though nothing has changed in their lives. This has helped me tremendously, and lifted the burden of guilt that worried me so much about affecting their lives!

Abrielle continues to be such an awesome baby girl. I don't remember the C. or the B. ever sleeping so much when they were newborns, but it makes it that much easier for us to keep with our daily routines. Before all of this nasty weather with rain, we had them outside every day and I even was able to get all three little ladies out for a walk on one occasion. Maddie's already asking how long it will be before Abrie can play with them at the playground, etc, and I tell her it will all come eventually. I want them to take their time growing up!

Family of five now!

Baby Abrie is now here. She is perfect in every sense of the word.

It's crazy, and so incredibly surreal, for both Dan and I to know that we have these three beautiful little girls as ours for our entire life. We feel so, so blessed.

Maddie and Faith have been nothing short of amazing as big sisters. Maddie was so little when Faith was born that it seemed like it really took her until her Beebster was much more interactive and playful with her to have that special sisterly connection. Those 6 months of extra time that Faith has had really seem to make a difference. Faith has been awesome. She has always had a love for babies, and she just adores her baby 'Beeba.' She's been calling her 'Beeba' just like what she calls her Ella. It's really cute. She is constantly asking if Abrie has "booped" so that she can check it, and wants to hold her and kiss her just as much as Madison does. The only time she was scared at all was when she first saw Momma at the hospital on Saturday morning. My poor Flop. But, other than that, she has been amazing as a first-time big sister. We'll see how it continues to go!

Madison is just amazingly doting on her baby sissy. She is in love with her; it's the neatest thing. Faith feeds off of her Dee's energy and enthusiasm, and it really is neat to watch them with Abrie. All Maddie would say in the hospital was, "awww, Abrie. You're so beautiful. You're my Abrie. awww, Abrie." She would say this constantly. She wants to help with everything, and wants to hold her all the time. 

The fact that Cran and Beebster have each other is perfect. They've been doing really well playing together when I'm sitting and feeding the little Beeba. They have been happy little souls from the get-go (even though they actually have both been a little sick) and I'm so glad that they have each other through this transition. I'm not naive enough to think that everything will work perfectly without some minor crises here and there- especially when Dan has to go back to work- but, they're doing really well and adjusting great.

And, Abrie is everything in a daughter I could have ever hoped for, and that much more. We're so in love with her already, and enjoying these days while she's still our baby girl.

Preparing..

I'm so very glad that we took advantage of our free museum admission pass (thanks to the library and Maddie's insistence!) yesterday and got the little women out there. It's so funny because they absolutely LOVED the darn museum.. exhibits (or, as Maddie says 'zibits' and then giggles) such as Mesoamerica and Eurasia and all. We had a really nice afternoon with them, and I feel as though we really have spent the last 9 months of this pregnancy spending quality time with our little girls before they become big sisters.

This gives me some reassurance as to what will happen tomorrow, and yet I'm still so extremely anxious and nervous. Moreso about the transitions for them and their feelings, than about bringing little Abrie into this world. I am going to be a mess having to say goodbye to them tomorrow morning, and I'm choosing not to think about that right now. Maddie's only ever been away from us when her Beebster was born, and Faith has never been away from us. I like it this way. Not even knowing that their beloved Nene is here with them gives me too much comfort, but I know that they will be OK. It's me that I am worried about being without them.

******

Crannie was my buddy for my appointment this afternoon. They couldn't get me in at any other time besides 2:30pm, and Faith was still napping. Cran insisted she wanted to come with me though, and I'm so grateful she's my little buddy because I definitely needed her today. I truly thought they would give me the green flag today that my 24 hour urine results and bloodwork were completely fine. Completely the opposite. The doctor came in after a good while and told me he'd be checking my cervix today, which I hadn't been expecting especially with having Madison there. I knew something was wrong. He came in and said I am 2 cm dilated, and he would have to induce today because I'm spilling obscene amounts of protein into my urine. He said it should be at a 300, and I'm spilling 2,400. My blood pressure remains steady though, but he said the protein levels is an indicator that I've already begun with pre-eclampsia. I was feeling the opposite though, since my feet and legs have noticeably gotten better since Tuesday. I even lost a pound of pure water weight in my legs and feet (total gained of 14 lbs) and thought for sure I'd be in the clear today.

I was totally taken aback with what they were telling me. I asked if they could wait, at least, until tomorrow morning to induce. So he sent me for a non stress test (Crannie in tow and drawing with the magna doodle that they let her borrow.. of course, also with her little Tweety purse full of "accessories" and sitting on my lap half of the time getting a kick out of baby sissy's movements during the NST test!) and told me if the baby was doing OK, that we could indeed wait until tomorrow morning. Thank the Lord, it came back OK.

So, now Dan and I have to be there tomorrow morning at 8:00am, and we're both extremely nervous and yet excited at the same time. How could we not be excited considering we get to hold our third baby daughter in our arms tomorrow? At the same time though, I'm extremely anxious about the whole Group B Strep and labor for the third time, etc etc etc. 

I'm so hopeful tomorrow goes well. I can't wait to see our baby Abrielle, and have our three little girls all together soon.