Uncensored ramblings

I thrive upon the everyday moments, the little things that make the biggest impact on my days:

* Maddie told us the other day (in secret) after eating dinner with Nene, Grampa, and our beloved cousins: "You can always decorate your hearts with love." I love the priceless sayings that are spoken by my sweet girls.

* My three girlies played blocks the other night after a bath. They were having so much fun, it was awesome watching them. Abrie is so good at building towers with blocks, and I am amazed at how well she builds and designs. And, I am always amazed at the patience that my big girls have with their baby sissy. She can be a tough cookie, and they are just awesome with her. She just adores them as well, and goes up to them and gives them unsolicited hugs and kisses throughout the day.

* They love dancing all together. I've brought in our car collection of CD's, and they just love having their favorite music selections.

* Abrielle loves playing dress-up at the ripe age of 19 1/2 months. She loves "looking pretty," and was so happy to pose in her Ariel dress for me the other day. She has a new smile/'cheese' face these days that consists of looking up and doing a sneaky smile.

* I want to tape record everything that comes out of Faith's mouth. Her voice is so precious to me. I wish it would never change. When she says the prayers at dinner time, your heart melts at the sweet things that she says. It always consists of "thank you God for my birthday. That I had the best day of my life with my family. That I always love you."

* Crafting is still one our favorite pastimes. That, and baking/cooking. Maddie's already whipping out ideas for her 6th (I feel the sands of time moving so quickly in my life it seems..) birthday party, and says she wants to be an illustrator when she gets bigger. She is anxious to "illustrate" some decorations for her party. The other day we made little Christmas carolers with our sweet cousins out of toilet paper rolls, and using old socks for hats. They loved them, and have been putting them on their hands as puppets!

* Dan does everything that his girls want. He is quite funny. I get so irritated some times because he doesn't know how to say 'no' to these girls (of course, there are times that he does) and he got Maddie this computer game that she wanted (granted, the thing only cost $2) that I so desperately did not want. I am not into computer usage at this age, and the only time they ever use computers is when we go to the library. But, Maddie loves this game "Mille's Math House" that they play in computer class at school. Well, they just love it. It's not just Maddie and Faith that love it, it's Abrie as well. She likes to sit there too and click the mouse, and she bops her head along to the music. Maddie and Faith are on the advanced level for all of the games that it has, but it is good repetition for them. I might have to look into borrowing other computer games from the library from time to time.

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I do NOT thrive on this crazy schedule of ours. It's been really getting to me recently.

I am feeling as though I am just not cut out for this business of being anywhere but home. Financially, we need this extra income (and, it helps obviously when wanting to plan fun things for our girlies) and I do like the library, aside from some patrons that I could do without. But, my heart is always here at home. I feel as though I don't have room to complain because there are so many mothers out there that work full time and want to stay at home. And yet these girls are what are on my mind when I am not here, and what I want to be doing.

Not to mention, I see homeschoolers come into the library and check out materials, and I can't help but feel pangs of jealousy. That is what I want to do. I know that my girls are constantly learning because of Dan and I, and through Dan and I even though we may not be their school "teacher," but yet I still can't help but yearn to play both roles. Maddie is full blown reading now, and it's so neat to see her walking around the neighborhood now reading every sign and uncovering a whole new world of being able to read what is in your daily life. I love that feeling of watching them discover new things. And, selfishly, I feel sad that I can't take credit for this new accomplishment. She has found a confidence there in school for reading that she didn't really have with me.

And, selfishly, it also would make it so much simpler to just do schooling here at home without having to worry about getting everyone ready to take Maddie to school, and the to pick her up in the afternoon.

Abrie had a wonderful week last week, and has had a miserable start to her week today. I am at a loss as to how to explain her episodes that she can have sometimes several times a day. Dinner time has been a nightmare. She doesn't eat a thing and stands there in her highchair screaming. And, I don't even know what sets her off in the first place. That is what is the worst.. to not even know what has triggered this flood of unrelenting emotions. We've been putting her upstairs in her room for a time-out and though it has worked (after about 5 minutes of screaming), I just end up crying. I feel as though I am no better off than our next door neighbors who are horrible to their children (listening to them through our walls is sheer torture sometimes, and I have to tell Maddie and Faith to go to another room so that they don't have to hear the swear words that are coming out of their mouths), and yet I do everything possible to HELP my child and understand my child. It is not a good feeling. Here I am trying to do everything possible to do right by my sweet girl, and yet her screams drown out what you could imagine would be the worst screams of any other child.


Maybe she is over- tired too?!

Aside from my rants, I love my life. I am in love with my man and my girls. I intend to relax and enjoy my family this week.